Modern Wife

Tag: parenting

  • The Stay at Home Dad

    Stay at Home Dad Flash AnimationMy husband and I run our internet business from home, and are both able to raise our baby full time. My husband made this animation while I was still pregnant, and he was still only imagining his life as a full time father.

    Immediately after I gave birth, my husband began his diaper changing duty. While I was still in bed recovering from childbirth and breastfeeding our baby, my husband had to take care of both the baby and me. He was a wonderful caregiver, cooking soups for me and singing to the baby.

    (My husband got a little peek of this world when his best buddy was a Stay At Home Dad during the first few years of his daughter’s life. Unlike my husband, his best buddy was on his own while his wife went off to work. Just recently, he got a job out of the home after the daughter began pre-school.)

    Raising our child together, my husband and I have gotten even closer than we were before. Our child turns to either of us depending on her needs, and often enjoys having both of us shower her with affection. For our baby, family day is every day!

  • Placenta Fertilizer

    Placenta Fertilizer

    One of the questions I asked my midwife as I neared my due date was “What do we do with the placenta?” Her suggestions: cook it up for a nutrient-rich post partum snack that chases away after birth depression; then plant the rest of it to fertilize the earth.

    I had some placenta immediately after I gave birth. One of the midwives sauteed it with onions and garlic. It tasted pretty good all spiced up, but I must admit there was a huge piece that stayed wrapped up in my freezer for a few months. My mother once mistook it for beef and started to thaw it for supper. I knew I had to do something with my placenta, and soon!

    So when one of my avocado pits sprouted while soaking in the kitchen window, I knew I had the perfect match. My husband and baby watched as I potted the placenta and avocado sprout. I wonder how old my child will be when it’s time to transplant the avocado tree into the ground. When the time comes, I will tell her of that tiny home she inhabited for the first nine months of her life, and how it continued to nurture our home through the avocado tree growing in our sunny backyard.

  • Children’s Fairyland

    Children’s Fairyland

    This weekend we went to Children’s Fairyland in Lake Merritt, Oakland, an outdoor amusement park with a fairy tale theme.

    Created in 1950, this historic park still has the creepy allure of old-fashioned fairs. Attractions look like they are in need of a new coat of paint. The pen marked “Three Blind Mice” had a guinea pig and the pen that housed the Three Billy Goats Gruff only had two overweight goats when we visited. One of the goats strolled over to us and let us pet him. Our baby was reluctant to pet him, and I appreciated the goat’s kindness and understanding of what the children come out here for, but it still made me feel sad. I imagined the goat having the same low voice as Eeyore, sadly resigning himself to an activity he may not necessarily enjoy, but has learned to put up with.

    When my baby wanted to breastfeed, we stopped by the little pond marked “Goosey Goosey Gander,” which housed two ducks. I sat there amused at the sad orchestral music playing, remarking to my husband about how the minor keys were making me feel so sad for the animals. Can you imagine being stuck somewhere and having to put up with sad music all day?

    Children’s Fairyland is also home to a sheep, an alpaca and Coco the Pony, who is 34 years old!

    Coco the Pony at Children's Fairyland

    All in all, we had a great time at Children’s Fairyland. There are lots of fun places to photograph – a Three Little Pigs roleplaying station, Alice in Wonderland, a Wild West setting – and tiny little houses for children to run around in. I would definitely come back again and support our local amusement park. It’s the only way I know how to make it a better place for my growing child.

  • Zinc Oxide for Diaper Rash

    Zinc Oxide for Diaper Rash

    Along the lines of caring for our baby the best way we know how is the treatment of diaper rash. No matter how careful or diligent a parent one is, there is no avoiding an incident or two of baby developing diaper rash. Perhaps it’s an allergic reaction to something baby ate, or a soiled diaper unchanged while traveling. Early on when we were experimenting with different brands of disposable diapers, we discarded certain brands that irritated our baby’s bottom into a rash.

    At the same time that we were searching for better brands of diapers, we were also looking at diaper rash ointments. The most popular one is Desitin, an over the counter zinc oxide ointment that can be found at any local drug store. I read all the ingredients, and did not find the inactive ingredients very appealing, particularly the petroleum base. It seems counteractive to have a known allergen and skin irritant as the base of an ointment that’s supposed to treat a diaper rash.

    Luckily I found a product from the Self Health Resource Center, a company reputed to provide pure and petroleum-free products. It is labeled as Deodorant, but it is simply zinc oxide in powder form inside a plastic container. I just add water and shake it. Whatever cream winds up on the cap of the container, I dip my finger on and apply on my baby’s rash. It is so amazingly effective. Overnight, the rash is gone. If it’s a really bad rash, it peels the next day, then disappears shortly.

    It is also very cheap. I still haven’t finished the original container I bought in the very beginning, and my baby’s almost a year old. The zinc oxide cream dries up after a while, so I just keep adding water, shaking it and using what winds up on the cap.

    I wholeheartedly recommend the Deodorant Zinc Oxide for use as a diaper rash cream.

  • Chlorine-Free Baby Diapers

    Chlorine-Free Baby Diapers

    Long before our baby was born, the subject of diapers has plagued my husband and me. Our midwife suggested using cloth diapers. Cotton is breathable and comfortable against babies’ sensitive skin. Reusable diapers are environmentally responsible.

    The problem with cloth diapers lies in the cleaning process. The right way to do it would be to flush solids and handwash all diapers in the sink using castile or olive oil soap. Personally, I find it a very time consuming process for a work-at-home mom. Throwing soiled, even rinsed, diapers in the washing machine does not sound sanitary either. Laundry bleach is out of the question, considering all the reports we have read about the health hazards of this common household chemical.

    Our midwife suggested a diaper cleaning service that would pick up soiled diapers, and deliver clean ones. My husband and I discussed this option and found it unacceptable to have our child’s diapers mixed in with other babies’ diapers. To promote sanitation, diaper services use bleach when washing large amounts of diapers. Again, laundry bleach is a health hazard, and a menace to the environment.

    What my husband and I finally decided on were disposable diapers that claim to be chlorine-free. I tried four different brands:

    Seventh Generation is my favorite yet. This diaper is a light brown color, uses chlorine-free materials to absorb wetness and keeps my baby’s bottom dry through the night. Whenever I change her, I am really pleased with how dry her bum is, almost as if she had a layer of baby powder on her. Sometimes when the diaper is very full, I see some gel-like particles on her skin, but this happens very infrequently.

    Tender Care claims to be chlorine-free although the diaper itself is white. Perhaps they whiten their product with non-chlorine alternatives. The sticker is too sticky and removing it tears the whole plastic top apart. Definitely not for overnight use, this diaper needs to be changed diligently every two hours maximum.

    Tushies is another favorite. I like alternating this diaper with the Seventh Generation brand so that my baby’s bum doesn’t get chafed by the same shape of diaper all the time. This brand claims to be gel-free, no absorbent polymer which the Seventh Generation brand has. Tushies uses wood pulp whitened with chlorine-free hydrogen peroxide.

    I had ordered the four brands above from Amazon, but lucky for me, the brands I wound up liking best are available at my local health food store.

  • No Counting

    At a toy store, a mother started yelling at her son, approximately four years old. The mother wanted to leave, the boy wanted to stay.

    The mother started yelling, “I’m gonna count to three… One!”

    The boy cried loudly, “Nooo! No counting!!!”

    It made me wonder if the boy would grow up hating math.

  • My Home Birth Story

    My Home Birth Story

    October 31 at 9 a.m. my water broke. My midwife, Kristen, came about an hour later to check on me. She suggested going on our daily walk, to help the baby descend lower and bring on the contractions.

    So hubby and I went to take a walk, which was the longest walk we’ve ever taken, because I was going so slow. Passing trick-or-treaters on our walk, we rescued a stray dog who almost got run over by a car. Jay whistled to the dog to keep it off the road, until the dog found his way home. We also ate some Mexican food and bought Knudsen’s Recharge, an energy drink that has real fruit juice instead of sugar, for the labor we were anticipating. At the grocery store the cashier asked when I was due, and nearly flipped out when I answered, “Tonight.”

    At home, we hung out and every 10 or so minutes I had contractions, which felt like severe menstrual cramps. We went to bed early, Jay massaged my lower back and buttocks everytime I had a contraction. I found it helped me to vocalize while I had a contraction. It helped me breathe through it, and it signaled my husband to massage me. I instructed him to massage my cheeks outward, to help me visualize my body opening up to let the baby out.

    By 2 in the morning on November 1, I began feeling more intense contractions, the kind that actually makes me feel like pushing. I fought the urge to push by breathing through it, moaning and vocalizing all the way. I told my husband to call the midwife NOW.

    Kristen arrived 2:15 a.m. She set up quickly in our bedroom, and called the other two midwives who will assist her. By that time I was on my hands and knees, the only position I felt comfortable in. Everytime I moaned with my contraction, I remembered the old creation myth about the goddess singing the world into creation, calling each creature by name in a song uniquely its own. The vibration of my voice in my belly helped me get through the pain. In between contractions, I felt delirious, almost like I was in deep dreamy sleep. (Thank you, endorphins!!!)

    By 4 a.m. I was getting tired, anxious, and worried that nothing was happening. Kristen and the other midwives kept me hydrated with Recharge and some water, kept encouraging me by saying I’m doing a good job. In between contractions, Kristen checked the baby’s heartbeat through her handheld Doppler, and also checked my cervix. When she felt that the cervix was fully dilated and out of the way, she instructed me to push.

    By then my arms were so tired of holding my body on all fours. I had pillows piled up in front of me, to rest my head in between contractions, but my arms and thighs were shaking in exhaustion. Kristen suggested I change position.

    I stood up, and in frustration, I cried, “Hold me” to Jay. We hugged, and as I got a contraction I found myself tiptoe-ing and hanging off Jay’s shoulder in one push. He took my weight and it felt really good. I felt the baby go even lower with the help of gravity. Jay and I had found our groove. We repeated this process every contraction. Later on Jay told me he could feel the baby kicking through my belly and onto his stomach as I hung my whole body weight off him – the three of us, father, mother and child moving to the rhythm of our own unique birthing dance. He said that before we labored, he was afraid he wouldn’t know what to do, that he might be in the way of the process, or worse, be like the stereotype “waiting room Dad.” When I hugged him he said he felt like a strong man, that he could support me, not just psychologically but in a very physical sense.

    As the baby got lower and lower, I kept crying, “It hurts!” My team encouraged me to keep pushing, make it hurt more, I wasn’t sure I could. I entertained fantasies of being magically transported to the hospital and being shot drugs to make the pain go away.

    Kristen brought me back to earth by saying that I was ready to deliver. She suggested I go back to my hands and knees. Jay got back to massaging me to open wide during the contractions. With the most painful pressure on my whole pelvic area, I delivered the head, and the baby got stuck right at the eyes. Jay stretched me wide open to help deliver the baby’s full head at the next contraction. Kristen then expertly repositioned the baby to deliver her shoulders and the rest of the body. At 5:27 a.m. November 1 Kristen placed my baby right underneath me and I looked into my baby’s face for the first time.

    It’s a girl! My beautiful baby girl!!!

    I hugged her and kissed her. She cried so loud and furiously! She also blew the fluid out of her own nose and mouth. She is so strong! Her APGARS is 9/10. She is 6 lbs 10 oz, 18 inches long.

    We were still connected through the umbilical cord, and the placenta was still inside me. I suddenly didn’t feel like I had any more strength to push the placenta out. The midwives encouraged me to breastfeed my baby immediately, to trigger one more contraction so I can deliver the placenta. My baby latched onto my breast immediately. She is so amazingly smart and knew what to do. Within minutes, I passed her on to my husband while I delivered the placenta. Once she was back in my arms, my husband cut the cord, and the midwives set to work inspecting the placenta to make sure there were no missing parts that could still be inside me.

    After that, the three midwives split up their afterbirth tasks. Shauna stayed with the baby to measure her weight, length, and reflexes. Kristen sat me in an herbal sitz bath and assisted me in a quick shower, while Colette made us all breakfast.

  • Midwifery Services vs. Obstetrics-Gynecology

    Midwifery Services vs. Obstetrics-Gynecology

    Soon after I found out that I was pregnant, I set out to find the health provider who will assist me throughout my pregnancy and deliver my baby. I knew I wanted to have my child at home. Although hospitals are equipped for any possible emergency, I worry about the stress of driving during labor and infection control in institutional settings. I wanted to be in the place where I’m most comfortable.

    Midwifery Services

    I started by requesting a list of midwives in my locale from the Midwives Alliance of North America. I called a few licensed professional midwives and conducted interviews over the phone.

    midwifery services at homeEach midwife is different. Some midwives conduct pre-natal visits in their homes or offices so that they can be in a central location in case any of their clients call for labor. Some midwives come to their clients’ homes all the way from pre- to post-natal visits. This situation was the most attractive to me, so I immediately filtered out the ones who were not willing to come to my home for all visits.

    HMO insurance does not cover midwifery services. PPO may reimburse part or all of the midwifery expenses. Most midwives charge on a sliding scale between $2800 to $5000 for comprehensive pre-natal visits, labor/delivery and post-partum visits. Each visit generally lasts for about an hour, consisting of monitoring urine, weight, blood pressure, pulse, baby’s heartbeat, palpation of the uterus, nutritional counseling and consultation regarding various issues that arise during pregnancy.

    Not all pregnancies qualify for a home birth. Hospital births are recommended in cases of gestational diabetes, hypertension (high blood pressure), Rh negative mom with a positive antibody screen, preterm premature rupture of membranes, multiple gestations (e.g. twins), breech presentation, active genital herpes, preeclampsia and preterm labor.

    Most midwives carry the following equipment, supplies and medication during home birth: oxygen, bag and mask for neonatal resuscitation, laryngoscope for neonatal resuscitation, IV therapy equipment, basic anti-hemorrhagic medication, suturing supplies (suture and lidocaine), fetoscope and hand-held Doppler, Rescu-Vac and/or DeLee catheter for deep suction of the newborn if necessary (as in the case with passage of meconium), urinary catheters, vitamin K for newborn blood clotting, and erythromycin ointment for newborn infection prophylaxis.

    Most midwives do not carry: pain medication including epidurals or narcotics, surgical equipment beyond that needed for basic suturing, forceps or vacuum, continuous fetal monitoring equipment, and blood for transfusions.

    Obstetrics-Gynecology

    I come from a medical family, so naturally my parents were very concerned about my decision to have my baby at home with the help of a midwife. As a compromise, I am also seeing a medical doctor, an obstetrician-gynecologist, in case of an emergency.

    Gone are the days when doctors made house calls, so obviously one must consider the trip to the doctor’s office for pre-natal visits and the ride to the hospital for labor/delivery when choosing an Ob-Gyn. I chose a doctor who practises very close to where I live, so I could avoid the freeway traffic or long drives during my pregnancy.

    HMO insurance generally require a copay for the first visit with the Ob-Gyn, then there is no more copay for the succeeding visits. Each visit is about 10 to 20 minutes long, consisting of monitoring urine, weight, blood pressure, pulse, baby’s heartbeat, palpation of the uterus and some consultation regarding various issues that arise during pregnancy.

    During the first visit, the Ob-Gyn may conduct a pap smear and prescribe a blood test. Often, pre-natal visits are attended by a nurse practitioner instead of the Ob-Gyn. There is hardly any consultation regarding nutrition. The most nutrition advice I have gotten from my doctor has been to eat small meals throughout the day instead of the regimented three square meals.

    As far as Ob-Gyn’s go, my doctor is better than most. She promises not to jump to C-sections, unless absolutely necessary. She also professes not to do episiotomies. There are less invasive techniques to preserving a woman’s perenium during childbirth. Episiotomies are not only extremely painful, it also takes a woman longer to heal than one who has not been subjected to it.

    Case by Case Comparison:
    Midwife vs. Obstetrician-Gynecologist

    Pre-natal Vitamins. The Ob-Gyn prescribed Natal Care Plus, which are large pink-colored pills that made me feel nauseous whenever I took them. I worried about the additives from the manufacturing process of these commercial pills. Later on I read in this article about Zinc, which states that Zinc supplements should not be taken with Iron and Calcium. So why are these three minerals together in prenatal vitamin pills?

    My midwife suggested that I make herbal tea for vitamin supplementation instead. She recommended: 1/4 cup nettles, 1/4 cup red raspberry leaves, 16 oz water combined in a glass jar. Cover and let it sit overnight. Sip this cold herbal infusion throughout the next day. Apparently nettles is rich in iron and calcium. Red raspberry leaves are rich in vitamins and minerals, particularly iron, in addition to being a uterine tonic.

    The cold herbal infusion was difficult for me to get down. So I added honey and/or lemon to the tea, and refrigerated it to make it taste more like iced tea. Steeping it hot like regular tea also helps with the taste.

    Urinary Tract Infection. My first blood test revealed a bladder infection, so my Ob-Gyn immediately put me on Nitrofurantoin. Kudos to the doctor for her diagnosis. It made me really glad that I have a medical doctor overseeing my care. However I was hesitant to take antibiotics, knowing how much they can wreak havoc in my system.

    I consulted my midwife and she said that since I hadn’t been abusing antibiotics in any way pre-pregnancy (4 years earlier was the last time I’ve had any in my system) she was confident that this dose will take care of my problem quickly, without any concern for resistant bacteria. She also suggested:

    • Echinacea and Goldenseal – the kind that contains ONLY echinacea and goldenseal. Don’t take the chance with other herbal ingredients that could complicate things for pregnant women;
    • Vitamin C – no more than 500 mg a day;
    • Cranberry juice – contains substances that inhibit the growth of bacteria in the bladder. Remember to buy UNSWEETENED cranberry juice. Refined sugars foster the growth of bacteria, and will be defeating the whole purpose of drinking cranberry juice.
    • Water – drink 2 liters (equivalent to 64 oz. = 8 pint-size glasses) a day.

    When I consulted my nurse practitioner about my fears of complications arising from the use of antibiotics, such as yeast infections, the only recommendation she had was anti-fungal cream over the counter at the
    drug store. In comparison, my midwife had suggestions on how to prevent yeast infections through good nutrition (plain yogurt).

    Sciatica. In the case of sciatica, my midwife recommended the relatively invasive approach of acupuncture, while my doctor simply suggested taking a hot bath.

    Related Links:
    Baby Center
    Pregnancy Nutrition
    Pregnancy Myths
    Herbs for Pregnancy
    Herbs During Pregnancy
    Citizens for Midwifery
    Midwives Alliance of North America
    Midwife Info
    Midwifery Links
    Ob-Gyn Predicament
    Unassisted Childbirth
    Unhindered Childbirth